


i can fool myself just like no other person can

by sandpapersnowman



Series: Tumblr Prompts: Preacher [6]
Category: Preacher (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-07-27 11:55:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7617121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandpapersnowman/pseuds/sandpapersnowman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cassidy’s tired, though, of this pretending. Of this weird tension between them that’s only weird because Jesse’s keeping it weird.</p><p>“Jesse?” he sighs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i can fool myself just like no other person can

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mobius-loop (igy)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/igy/gifts).



> another prompt from loren! dialogue was 'we're not just friends and you fucking know it' and 'stop pushing me away'.
> 
> on tumblr [here](http://sandpapersnowman.tumblr.com/post/148143575619/)!! title from the wombats' [Last Night I Dreamt...](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/wombats/lastnightidreamt.html)

The first strike was probably that very first night they hung out. Fast friends or not, it was dangerous for two attractive guys to get hammered and start spilling secrets.

The second was probably when Jesse had tested his powers on him, and Cassidy was aching to do everything he wanted, pointless as the commands were, and he still silently prayed Jesse wouldn’t ask him any form of ‘what do you want’ or ‘what should I make you do next’, because the answer to either of those would have been _’you’_.

The third and fourth and fifth have come and gone, and Cassidy’s lost count. All the too-fond touches, all the grins and smirks and words that would have been undeniably flirting if they’d been to anyone else; Cassidy could tally each time on the walls of the church and he would have run out of space weeks ago.

The final strike, whatever number it may be, is when they both need to get something from the storage closet at the same time, and are forced to face the fact that when Cassidy leans over him, Jesse relaxes against his chest like they’re lovers, and nothing about that feels off until Cassidy leans into him too and Jesse snaps out of it.

“Whoa,” he says awkwardly, and tries to laugh it off.

Cassidy’s tired, though, of this pretending. Of this weird tension between them that’s only weird because Jesse’s keeping it weird.

“Jesse?” he sighs.

“What’s up?” Jesse keeps digging in some box, looking for whatever he came in here for.

“You know friends don’t act like this, right?”

Jesse freezes, but keeps his back to him like this’ll go away if he pretends he didn’t hear.

“What do you mean?” he asks, voice strained trying to sound casual.

“All of it. The looks, the leaning against each other, the… The _feelings_.”

Jesse straightens up at that, and even with his back still to Cassidy, he sees the blush creeping over his neck.

“What ‘feelings’?”

“Christ, Jess,” he groans, exasperated. “We’re not just friends and you fucking know it.”

There. No tip-toeing around that or purposely misinterpreting. That’s about as clear as he can get.

“You’re right,” Jesse says, and for a split second Cassidy thinks the frustration is over. “We’re probably best friends, aren’t we?”

Cassidy groans again, loud and annoyed in the small room. Of _course_.

“You know that’s not what I meant,” he says louder, almost a yell, and when it bounces in the closet and hurts his own ears, he lowers his voice again. “Jesse, we have to talk about this,” he says, softer.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Jesse insists, and finally turns around.

He won’t look Cassidy in the eye and is trying to walk to the door, too fast to be anything but an attempt at physically escaping this conversation.

So, Cassidy grabs him and pins him to the door instead.

“Let go of me,” Jesse says immediately, and tries to squirm away, but Cassidy’s got both his forearms planted at Jesse’s shoulders to keep him there.

(Besides, Cassidy knows Jesse well enough by now that if he wanted to actually get away, he would have. He knows just as much as Cassidy does that this tension needs to break one way or the other.)

“Jesse, would you fuckin’ look at me?”

It takes a second of embarrassed, stubborn huffing from Jesse, but he does eventually look at him.

“I’m not imagining this,” Cassidy says, but the few seconds it’s taken them to accept this conversation is happening actually has him doubting it. “I’m not, right?”

Jesse still won’t answer, just breaks eye contact again.

 _God_. That’s all the answer he needs.

He’s _not_ imagining this. Jesse feels the same way, and now it’s out in the open, as much as it can be with Jesse still being stubborn like this, and…

Cassidy kisses him.

He stops pinning his shoulders in favor of holding Jesse’s face in his hands, and even with Jesse tensed under him and not kissing back, he still pours months of desperation out into it.

Jesse finally reacts when Cassidy pulls away to breathe before he kisses him again, and Jesse tries to shove at his chest.

It’s weak, and Cassidy knows he’s only doing it to say he tried, and he doesn’t know if it’s religious shit or upbringing shit or what that’s keeping him from just _giving in_ to this, but he doesn’t care. Whatever it is, he can talk Jesse through. They’re not letting this slip through their fingers, whatever it is.

“Stop pushing me away,” Cassidy mutters against his lips. He means it to be comforting, like Jesse can trust him with this. Like he knows there’s a thousand reasons Jesse shouldn’t do this, and to just, please, do it anyway.

It works, thank the Lord, and Jesse starts slowly kissing him back.

He’s saying a million swears in his head, even digging for old ones he hasn’t used in decades just to keep himself from saying them out loud.

Jesse’s hands on his chest are grabbing at his shirt, pulling him closer, and he’s never been happier in his life to be cramped up against someone.

“Cass--” Jesse tries to say, but it sounds like it’s going to be followed with ‘we can’t do this’ or ‘this is a mistake’, so Cassidy kisses him harder to keep those words from his mouth. Jesse’s still kissing back, he reminds himself, and he knows Jesse would have stopped this already if he was really, completely opposed to it.

He still worries Jesse is going to stop it anyway until Cassidy’s insistent mouth gets that first, desperate moan spilling out of him.

After that, he’s pretty sure Jesse wouldn’t stop for anything in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> did you know you can find me on [tumblr](http://sandpapersnowman.tumblr.com/ao3direct)? : O


End file.
